Me entristece reconocer que no sabía quién era Bo Burnham hasta este año. Vi Inside después de que oyera en innumerables ocasiones trozos de las canciones en TikTok. No soy muy fan de ver comedia, pero me gustó lo que escuchaba y decidí darle una oportunidad.
Me pareció un especial experimental de lo más atractivo. La idea de que alguien pueda hacer algo semejante casi sin ayuda me parece fascinante. Abrirse en canal delante de la cámara, mezclando humor y música no es nada fácil, pero es algo que los artistas hacen cada vez que pueden.
Cuál fue mi sorpresa al descubrir que había otro especial en Netflix y resultaba ser que ese era una de las últimas veces que Bo se subía a un escenario. El especial Make happy es un preludio de lo que vendría después. En especial con esa canción que cierra el espectáculo. Aún se repite en mi cabeza esa letra y esa melodía:
A part of me loves you
A part of me hates you
A part of me needs you
A part of me fears you
Esa estrofa se ató a mi corazón de una forma que no puedo explicar. Y es que la entiendo tanto. Querer enseñar tu arte con el mundo se convierte en una relación muy complicada y que, en la gran mayoría de las ocasiones, es unilateral.
Comparto lo que hago y me encante recibir comentarios positivos y a la vez odio cuando alguien no piensa que mi trabajo sea bueno. Necesito que la gente conozca lo que hago, que me lea y a la vez temo que me insulten, que me ignoren…
Ni siquiera estamos exponiéndonos como personas, exponemos un trabajo al que le hemos dedicado horas, días, muchos esfuerzos, quebraderos de cabeza y noches en vela. Es prácticamente un hijo, un ser que ha salido de nuestras entrañas. Un ser al que tenemos que soltar y esperar que las personas lectoras sean compasivas con lo que le entregamos. Claro que queremos que triunfen, pero sobre todo queremos que lo traten como creemos que se merece.
I want to please you
But I want to stay true to myself.
Un eterno dilema. Una batalla que nunca se gana: «¿Debería escribir una historia sobre X solo porque está de moda? No me apetece, pero la audiencia lo quiere».
Claro que muchas personas pensarán que hay que escribir lo que te apetezca, que el arte es para disfrutar de cada momento. Eso está bien cuando lo ves como un hobby, sin embargo, ¿qué pasa si quieres vivir de ello? ¿A caso no hay momentos en un trabajo que tienes que hacer algo aunque no te guste? ¿El arte puede resultarle tedioso a la persona que lo crea? ¿El arte le puede dar dolores de cabeza? ¿El arte le puede traer disgustos? ¿Tenemos que ver el arte como un mundo aparte al que poder escapar, donde todo es alegría?
So I should probably just shut up and do my job
Para mí, la escritura es un trabajo y como trabajo hay días en los que no puedo continuar y otros en los que doy todo de mí para seguir adelante. Hay muchas preguntas que no logro responder y, cuando creo que tengo la respuesta, mi punto de vista cambia por completo. El arte es complicado, el arte no se queda solo en la superficie de ese entretenimiento que le das a toda aquella persona que quiere leerte/verte/oírte, etc. El arte va mucho más allá. ¿Hasta dónde? Sinceramente, no lo sé.
Lo único que he sacado en claro escribiendo esta entrada es que no creo que pueda manejar esto ahora mismo.
I don’t think that I can handle this right now
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